Hauling services and tickets to "Enricky"
By Mike Silva
My shenanigans continue and they're only getting better.
As you recall, my two previous posts involved me A. replying to people's ads, B. giving them ridiculous duties, C. laughing hysterically at their responses.
I can't take all the credit for this idea. I'm not a pioneer, simply the monkey-do to this guy'smonkey-see. Did I say that right? I explain more here.
Anyway, the fun continues.
Scenario: Lady, presumably an associate to a company, is offering hauling services to those in need. I guess they have a big truck, wanna make money, and benevolently help those who truly need heavy things hauled.
Yes, I agree. She's practically begging someone to jack with her.
Mike Silva: I need help transporting something, and need your services.
Thanks, Mike
Danette, Hauling Extraordinare: Ok Mike Can you give me the details and when you need this done?
Dani
MS: Well, Danette, let me tell you about it!
My Aunt Henrietta starting living with my family about a week ago. She is unable to drive because of her size, and she doesn't fit in my Prius. She works at a Wal-Mart checking receipts and such, really hardcore work. Anyways, she'll need reliable transportation to and from work. She works Monday through Friday, 10 p.m. to 5:49 a.m.
I'll need you to pick her up from our home. I'm assuming you guys have bungee cord and straps to keep her from flying out the back of the truck, right? If not, no worries, I'll throw some in. She can probably get 'em from Wal-Mart at great prices with her discounts.
Anyways, what are your rates?
DHE: Rate depends.....From where to where?
Are you kidding? Bungee cords?
MS: We live in west Houston, near Katy. She works at the Wal-Mart in College Park near the Woodlands. I think it's Exit 78 off I-45.
And of course, the bungee would be to strap her down. She weighs somewhere between 350-375. I know this because I can powerclean a solid 325 as my max, and I was truly unable to help her up after her fall last week. I had to call over a couple of neighbors to help me pick her. We kind of rolled her onto a thick piece of plywood and successfully transported to her bed. How the bedframe holds her up is beyond me. Side note: you'll need some burly hands to lift her onto your truck bed.
Anyways, I can provide the straps and such if needed. She needs some sort of support to hold her down. A 350-375-pound woman flying off a truck bed going 75 mph on I-45 can be chaos.
So what are we looking at? When can I expect you to start coming by?! :)
DHE: You sure seem to be taking a lot of time to email this nonsense to me. I really don't have time for games.
I guess I was wasting her time. She probably couldn't have hauled Aunt Henrietta anyways.
I know what you're thinking, why didn't I persist? I sent her a few more emails but no response, so I decided it was time to bring this prank to a close.
Scenario: By far the funniest of all of these pranks. My ultimate favorite, bar none. Some guy needs tickets to the Pit Bull-Enrique Iglesias (keep note of the spelling) concert in the coming months in Houston. I offered him a pair of "tickets." It's truly breathtaking how stupid some people are.
Note: I took the liberty of putting my thoughts in parentheses, (like this), just to give the play-by-play of what was going on. Enjoy.
Mike Silva: I have just the tickets for you!
Thanks, Mike
Ticket Idiot: Oh yeah? (who the hell responds with just two words, "oh yeah?", to fill up the body of an email?)
MS: Yes, they're great! I bought em on buycheapticketsnow.com. I was gonna go with my cousin Sue but she's got metacarpal surgery and can't go. If you'd like, I can attach a picture of the tickets for you. (Ironically, that really is a website. Good thing is, if you go to it, it says under construction. That should at least give me away, right?)
TI: Ok...send the pic (There ya go!)
MS: You're gonna love it! This is how it came to me in the mail. I hope you enjoy. How much are you willing the pay? (Didn't realize it says a different date in the bottom left hand corner. Oh well. Of course, "Lily Allen" is the ticket recipient, which this guy should also question, considering I told him my name was Mike. Also, note the price says $20.)
Photo of "ticket":
TI: 200 each? (Obviously didn't look at ticket, or he's just an idiot.)
MS: Maybe we can work that. I don't know, I'm a pretty big Enricky fan. I got em from that site for $231.78/each. That's not even counting tax. But if you too are an Enrique fan, maybe I could help you out. (Me realizing, oh sh*t, dude hasn't caught on that this is a prank, what an idiot. I even spelt Enrique two different ways for him to catch on.)
TI: Please call me 713 xxx-xxxx (WTF?! Are you serious, dude? What do I have to do to end this? Am I now being pranked? Surely, no one is this dumb.)
MS: Unfortunately, I do not have my phone. I accidentally baked it with my batch of cookies in the oven last week. Stupid me. Anyways, email should be good, or you can call me tomorrow on my work phone between the hours of 8:03 a.m. and 4:57 p.m. You can reach me there at 713-982-39120, and make sure you punch in extension number 3842 when they ask you to. If you don't, you'll simply patch through to my secretary Juanita. She'll have you relay a special password to her (I get a lot of telemarketers and spammers), which for tomorrow will be "jacuzzi," but you have to stretch out the 'u' like, "jacooooooozi." This is very important, or she won't let you through.
Anyways, as long as you're happy with how the tickets look we're go! (Finally! I win.)
I wonder what pushed him over the edge. Did he look back at the ticket? Did he visit buycheapticketsnow.com? Did he find better seats.
And please, God, for the sake of humanity, tell me he didn't actually call.